Monday, August 9, 2010

Super Smash Bros AKA Fetish Fuel Official Fapping Game

Ah,Super Smash Bros,the game that made people realise that a plumber kicking a yellow rat's ass can work even if you are not on drugs.Everybody loves this game,but some people love it in a very disturbing way.
This one here is one of the most mind-jarring entries in all Fetish Fuel,and thus perfect material for this blog.

Before I start, I'll say that this blog will talk only about very weird fetishes,like the ones that can't be satisfied in real life.It will also mention appearances of Lolicon and Shotacon,since there are too many mentions of it in FF.

Lets start with this.

"Toon Link. I mean he's just... Eee! He's just so cute, and his little "Hyas" are all... All... EEEEE! :Glomp:"

 This is the very first  phrase of the article,and there's already and instance of shotacon.Yay! I don't need to tell you why is that wrong. Oh,and don't go saying "But maybe (s)he only likes the character".Bullshit.There's an article called "Gushing About Characters You Like" for that.

"This troper went through every single one of Peach's animations and took pictures of every one that allows a Panty Shot. The best ones are her down throw, her neutral L-cancel, and a couple spots in her Final Smash animation."

Ok,this is reaching stalker levels.And is more pathetic since is a fictional character.You have an amazing  determination,though.

"Kirby in his original incarnation probably inspired quite a few voreaphiles."

 Ladies and Gentlemen,the blog namer! Ah,voreaphiles...that people who get turned on by the idea of being eated or digested. How can that work? I want to see that people having sex.On second thought,does that people even have sex,or they just reject everyone they meet when they refuse to being eaten?.So many questions...

"Jigglypuff's final smash makes her inflate... and inflate... and inflate... until she covers practically the whole screen. The appeal of the move to inflation fetishists needs no explanation. "

I left this entire conversation because I thought that everything here is worthy to rant about. First,inflation fetishists.I guess this is the only people who prefer blown-up dolls over real women.Then continues with this:
  • "If only Jigglypuff were a sexy woman...
  • She isn't? " 
Sorry to burst your bubble (pun intended),but not.You see,Jiglypuff is a Pokemon.There is no way she can be a woman because women aren't Pokemon.It might seem hard to understand,but it isn't.Women are human beings.Pokemon are fictional creatures.There is zero possibility that a woman will ever be a Pokemon.Therefore,your statement has zero logic.Besides,she is not that sexy.

"My father and I make a continued practice of diving into the Sound Test and playing through all of Ike, Captain Falcon and Zero Suit Samus's voice clips to make suggestive noises. I love my dad."

I wish I had a dad as cool as yours.I only make normal things with mine.

"Diddy Kong's Monkey Flip move has the little monkey leaping at an opponent's face and hugging/attacking it. Diddy doesn't wear pants...."

...and is a monkey. Seriously,the idea of a monkey grabbing my face is everything but fetish fuel.

"While only a theoretical idea, if HAL ever included the P-Balloon in a Smash game, this troper would have trouble containing himself whenever any human female characters were present and items were turned on. Not much sexy about an Italian plumber blowing up like a balloon, but Zero Suit Samus, Peach, or Zelda might just be too much."

Of course! Who wants a normal proportioned woman? I want my bitches inflated!

"One this this troper loves to do in both Melee and Brawl is play on Super Sudden Death mode and just...hear everyone scream as they turn into a shooting star. Being the Shotacon she is, she often did this with the younger Link, with Ness, Popo, Lucas, Pit, and even Kirby."

Children beating each other...screaming as they are sent to the sky... suffering.Congratulations,you made shotacon even more squicky! I left the hyperlink to her user page so you can know her name and avoid her in the street in case you are under 18.

"Luigi's Final Smash. Just... his Final Smash. Everything about it, from the simply erotic way he danced to the soothing chanting to the greenish bubble that covers him and everyone around him, just makes me want to... well, you know."

This one is more funny that disgusting.I just find amusing that someone is turned on by Luigi dancing.Anyway,if you're a girl I wouldn't be very excited if I were you.Have you see him dancing? Is very obvious he is...well you know. And then there's Hotel Mario,Gay Luigi?

"Yoshi's neutral B move. Watch it in slow motion. Probably the most gratuitously vorarephile-appealing thing in video game history"

Oh yeah, gratuitously appealing. I can easily picture Masahiro Sakurai designing Yoshi's movements and thinking: "Hmm, I'll make him eat his rivals so I can please vore, big bellies, oviposition fetishists".Seriously,stop thinking everyone has your weird fetishes. Nobody,and I mean NOBODY I consider a sane person is into dinosaurs laying eggs.And now,I was saving the best for last:

"To say NOTHING of King Dedede, in ANY of his incarnations, for this troper. C'mon, people: giant inflatable penguin who apparently has an ARMY of servants to wait on him hand and foot and a tendency to swallow his rival whole, who typically ends up mind-controlled by an amorphous Cosmic Horror. That is every single fetish I have smashed into one squooshy, blue, semi-spherical package. "


 I'm speechless.I'll leave this one to you.

3 comments:

  1. Interesting idea for a blog.

    Though I have to mention that Pokemon do have genders. Since Gold/Silver a Pokemon can be classified as a male or female and can be bred.

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  2. However, Jigglypuff can be a man. I actually believe that you can tell by the color of his/her eyes. I think the one in Super Smash Bros. is actually a guy.

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  3. Well yeah,but she is female Pokemon,not a woman like that troper said

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